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| Why do I feel like I want to cry so badly? Why is it that I have such expression, such anguish? What causes the eye to leak rivers of poison, that covers your face until you have to hide it in shame, afraid of anybody taking notice? Why do I feel so alone and different in this worldly community? What makes the jealousy and envy erupt when I see a couple huddling close, knowing they have an eternity with eachother? Why, when I cycle through my Address Book on my phone, do I feel like none of these people are really there to give comfort and love? (Not meaning to shove offense.) Why do I feel like I want to cry so badly, to let myself be sliced open and watch as my unending blood pours out all my contained emotions and feelings for every little bit of drama and confusion I've ever felt? All I want is somebody I know who will take my hand and say, "Everything's going to be alright." Yes, it sounds too cliché, too wanted and wished, but what else am I supposed to say? There's no love in my life.. Every day I act like nothing's the matter. Every day my mind wanders from those obsessed feelings and overthought emotions. When does it end? When can I be sure of shelter from the outside world? When will I actually know that people are out there, willing to stand by my side every single second of every single minute of every single hour of every single day? Why do I feel I need to retreat back into my shell for the rest of the year, and never see daylight again, never make contact with anybody again? Welcome to the hell inside my mind. My fire's been doused by the rains. My life may have been withered to mere depression, but who can say for definite right now, when I feel at such a fragile state of direction? My Fire's been Doused by the Rains. | | |
| I Kissed A Girl - Katy Perry "This was never the way I planned
Not my intention.
I got so brave, drink in hand
lost discretion
It's not what, I'm used to
Just wanna try you on
I'm curious for you
Caught my attention.
I kissed a girl and I like it,
the taste of her cherry chap stick.
I kissed a girl just to try it
hope my boyfriend don't mind it.
It felt so wrong
it felt so right
don't mean I'm in love tonight.
I kissed a girl and I liked it,
I liked it.
No I don't even know your name.
It doesn't matter.
You're my experimental game
just human nature,
It's not what,
good girls do
not how they should behave.
My head gets so confused
Hard to obey.
I kissed a girl and I liked it
The taste of her cherry chap stick
I kissed a girl just to try it
I hope my boyfriend don't mind it.
It felt so wrong
It felt so right
Don't mean I'm in love tonight.
I kissed a girl and I liked it
I liked it.
Us girls we are so magical
Soft skin, red lips, so kissable
Hard to resist so touchable
Too good to deny it
Ain't no big deal, it's innocent.
I kissed a girl and I liked it
The taste of her cherry chap stick
I kissed a girl just to try it
I hope my boyfriend don't mind it.
It felt so wrong
It felt so right
Don't mean I'm in love tonight.
I kissed a girl and I liked it
I liked it." | | |
| It's late September of my sophomore highschool year. So many friends, so many activities, so much homework ! It's tough, but I'm getting through this.. Though I haven't been getting as much sleep as I should be getting, and my allergies are kicking in. Through all this mayhem and disruptance, there's been one thing that's been able to keep me high-spirited and ongoing.. It's a new feeling I thought I wouldn't feel for a very long time. (Something called, in-love, maybe ?) Call it what you may, I've developed this feeling for not a sophomore, not a junior, not a senior, but a freshman. I don't know why I have these feelings for this freshman, but, I do. I can't help but feel my heart skip a beat whenever I see them, and think about them every second.. (no creeper, xD) A hand-ful of friends know who I speak of, and they say I should go for it. But, I'm ultra nervous. Reasons, quite well known. Homecoming is coming up.. Should I, or should I not? I won't tell who my crush is, so you'll just have to keep guessing! | | |
| We Are Mount Pleasant Ever Glorious ! Saturday, September 20th, 2008
Mount Pleasant Green Knights Marching Band (show: The 47 Ronin) scored FIRST PLACE at their first competition, with a score of 72.5 !!! (which is really good as our first competition score)
Awards won: Best in Showcase, Best Colorguard, Best Music, Best Overall Effects !! and a 0.10 of a point from getting Best Percussion. So, it was our first competition, and we're already doing better than last year, when our starting score was in the range of 65.0, and our final score last year was 86.95 ! So, We're already ahead of the game this year !! Our show Is amazing ! There are 3 divisions, based on the size of the band. And we're just over the 2nd division lines by + 3 people. :] So, They called out the 3rd place winner in Division 3, and that band's name started with an "M" too, so we all gasped, thinking it was going to be us. But it wasn't. So we sighed with relief.. Then the second place winner was announced, and as soon as they said it, we wanted to jump up and down and scream so loudly, because we knew then that 'THE FIRST PLACE GOES TO, MOUNT PLEASANT GREEN KNIGHTS MARCHING BANDD !!' And you can imagine how excited we were. I'm pretty sure the majority of us lost our voices screaming so excitedly. THE Happiest moment. And, I'm still smiling now. ^-^ | | |
| What did I do to deserve this ? I'm only trying to cut down on drama. I've been introduced yet again to the heart-grinding ways that drama is, and forever will be. I have this dilema. See, our school has been trying to get a GSA (gay-straight-alliance) club going for a few years, I've heard. But they always gave up because it never worked. So, my friend Bria and I had an idea to get a GSA going again ! And this time, make is stay for real.. Well, we attempted it last year. But. It didn't go so well, just because we really didn't know what we were doing, and we were just winging it for the year; to see how the idea would work if we could get this club on the school budget and etc. And now, it's the beginning of the 2008-2009 school year, and we're sophomores. A little more experienced and new ideas for a better year. The roles are like this: Bria is the Leader of the group, as our friend Dave and I are the Co-Leaders. I never quite understood what David did, but he did come up with some really interesting ideas throughout the year. Bria was the one to stand up and discuss everything to the club, and I, took the Minutes of the Meeting; I was the organizer, and apparently I helped keep Bria in check. But this year, I don't think I can do it. I hate this so much. Because of past experience and relations with Bria, I've developed this less-than-love-and-more-of-hate relationship with her. Because of everything, I can't stand to be around her anymore. And my friends have realized this too. I feel as if, everytime I even say "hi" to her, she texts me and says, "oh I need to talk to you, it's important.. disturbing news.." etc. Okay. I just started talking to you, and you're already on my case and finding a way to dump unwanted drama on me. What am I, a Drama Magnet ??? And you know what I've learned about Bria ? I've learned that she's too full of herself. She may not believe it, but I see that she kind of considers herself top dog- and she'll slowly mangle your mind until you're agreeing with her, and following in her every footstep. She has a way of making me (especially) feel bad for her once I may have flipped on her, or done something not so good, when there are times I clearly just want to yell and scream and get it through her thick skull that there are other people in the world other than herself. So anyways.. Many members of the club have come to me, and said, "I'm not doing the club if she's going to be running it again this year." It's quite understandable actually. She says hurtful things to friends that I'm sure she just thought she was being playful with. Take for example, a freshman this year. My friend and I met her in marching band. After school one day when Bria went up and hugged her, and as we were walking out the front doors together, the freshman announced that she hated Bria. I asked why. She said, "Oh well, because she called me a stupid freshman and told me I was being too "clingy" to her." I stood there mouth agaped. So it wasn't just me that's been getting crap from Bria. And yet another friend told me how obsessively annoying Bria was getting because she was bragging how she was going to get another of my freshman friends on Freshman Day. And This friend of mine isn't one to take things lightly. If she ever had the chance, she'd have confronted Bria straight forward and said, "If you keep braggin on about freshman day, I'm going to F-ing punch your face out, so stay the F away from me." And she would have. That's the thing I completely believe, too. And then. Basically. It may have been to a lack of expressing emotions, because tonight, I just broke down crying. It was short though. But it was enough to get me riled up and say, I can't do this anymore. It may have been a smart choice.. I really wanted to do the club this year. I was looking so forward to it this year.. But. I can't be a part of Bria's team as long as she's still Leader, and I have to listen to her constantly. I noticed that, the last few weeks were like Heaven, because I had no drama whatsoever- because I didn't talk to Bria. Even my dad said to me earlier, "I should of seen this coming," (when I was bitching about a talk Bria and I had over the phone) "But it eluded my sight because you haven't been talking to her much these days. But I should have seen this coming when you started talking about..." etc. So, as of right now, I'm going to talk to her tomorrow after school, and tell her everything I'm feeling now, and maybe she'll have a different point of view instead of the "oh well, the people that have problems with me can go F-off." She needs to understand.. I only wish it wasn't me that was the one getting pushed out of the club.. | | |
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